BC Council for Families

Communication is the lifeblood of a healthy marriage or couple relationship.

Part of being a good communicator is to take responsibility for our own needs, feelings and desires and to share them with our spouse or partner.

The problem is that many of have learned to ignore, avoid or deny our feelings. If we do this, we cannot know ourselves, much less tell our spouses who we are. Our perceptions of each other, and our responses to each other, come to be based on guesswork, which leads easily to misunderstanding.

This exercise is designed to help you and your partner become aware of your feelings in certain situations, and to communicate them to each other. Here's how it works:

Sit down together in a relaxed, unhurried setting.
Taking turns, reflect on each of the following 25 statements. Either or both of you can answer each question, or you can switch back and forth answering alternate questions.
You can then repeat the exercise, switching statements.

It's easy to think of additional questions, so feel free to add your own!

How do I feel when . . .

You surprise me with something nice.

You show me that you appreciate me.

I make a mistake and you point it out.

You are holding me in your arms.

You praise or compliment me.

I think that you are judging me.

You make a sacrifice for me.

Others notice our closeness.

I am reminded that you really love me.

You seem annoyed with me.

We are holding hands.

I am buying you a gift.

I don't seem to be able to reach you.

You frown at me.

You are being too hard on yourself.

You smile at me.

You reach out to touch me.

You interrupt me in conversation.

I think I have hurt your feelings.

You are very upset and begin to cry.

You are sick or in pain.

You ask me to help you.

You become very angry with me.

I can't understand what you are asking me to do.

You tell me you are very proud of me.

This exercise is reprinted from Enriching Your Marriage: Relationship Exercises for Couples, edited by Rosanne Farnden Lyster, MA, and published by the BC Council for Families.

See our catalogue to order Enriching Your Marriage: Relationship Exercises for Couples, or for more resources on Couple Relationships.