BC Council for Families

What’s a Father For?

Provider Father

• Supports his family financially
• Provides food, shelter and clothing
• A father’s traditional role

Interactive Father

• Spends time with his child
• Makes his children part of his world
• Models social rules and values

Nurturing Father

• Feeds his child
• Gives baths and changes diapers
• Comforts his child

 Affectionate Father

• Gives lots of hugs, kisses and smiles
• Plays with his child
• Reassures his child

Responsible Father

• Teaches the rules of behaviour
• Helps children pursue their interests
• Arranges babysitting and medical care

 Committed Father

• Feels his children are important
• Thinks of his kids when he’s not with them
• Talk to his friends about his children

Overcoming Challenges to Involved Fathering

 Involved fathering is easier said than done- but it’s worth the effort.

• Mothers get a head start at parenting, but with time and practice, fathers can become very skilled.
• Moms sometimes need to give dads a little room to work out their own ways of looking after kids.
• Dads need to gently persists in their efforts to be involved.
• When work takes you away from home, find ways to stay connected.

Children: That’s who we’re here for

• Build a strong attachment- a sense of belonging with your kids- by spending lots of time together.
• Discipline is more than telling children what they’ve done wrong. Remember that you job is to teach them and show them the right thing to do.
• Remember that almost everything kids do is affected by the way they are constantly developing. Sometimes “bad” behaviour is just a stage.
• Be aware of your child’s temperament or personality. It’s another thing that affects the way we parent.
• Be aware of your moods, because the way you fell influences the way you act with your children.

You and Your Partner: Teamwork

• Parenting requires teamwork. Mom and Dad will probably parent differently, but you can still work together to share the load.
• It’s not always possible to divide child rearing tasks completely equally, but look for the ways you can contribute.
• Pay attention to your partner’s mood and step in to help when she needs it.
• Sharing the experience of parenting will help you and your partner understand and appreciate each other.
• Even when divorced parents need to find a way to work together on some level.

Involved Fathering in Different Family Structures

 Divorce and remarriage present special challenges for fathers who want to be involved:

• For stepfathers, the first task is to get to know your stepchildren, rather than try to step in and become the boss.
• If you’re divorces, do your best to keep your children out of the conflict you may have with your ex-spouse.
• Concentrate on what’s best for kids and their relationship with you. Make your home their home.
• If you don’t get to spend time with your children very often, look for little ways to stay connected when you are apart

Excerpted from the
booklet Involved Fathers: A Guide for Today's Dad produced by the
Father Involvement Initiative-Ontario Network and available for
purchase from the BC Council for Families.